Breihan Dryden, A&E Writer
So, it’s come to this, has it? You people just can’t stay away. Always needing another fix, a bigger dose, a stronger film. Well when you ask, you shall receive. You see, when our lord and savior Taylor Mitchell came to me, he demanded a certain request. Films that are bad. Not just regular old bad, but so bad that they break through the threshold of quality and rise like a motherloving phoenix. For the next four weeks, I will be infecting your mind with these films. Tainting (HA) your mind and exposing you to things that will probably put you on someone’s watch list. Forget B-movies, these are Z-movies, and I ain’t talkin’ bout zombies. Ladies and Gents, boils and ghouls, may I introduce you to…The Fanglys.
We begin our journey in the town of Layton, Texas where we see our protagonist Mark businessing it up at his business job. It’s Halloween and my dude just wants to get home to his wife (?) Kelly so he can eat some candy and scare some kids. Unfortunately, that’s not on the agenda as his friend Chubb (played brilliantly by the film’s director Christopher Abram) convinces their small group to go looking for the local legend “The Fanglady”. It is here where we cut to the B-plot of the film, which involves the Sheriff of Layton investigating a couples murder out on Storm Creek Road, the stomping grounds of good ole’ Fanglady. Now, you may be asking yourself, “Breihan, how does The Fanglady kill her victims?” I’m so glad you asked, dear reader. First, The Fanglady pounces on you, not unlike an evil spider monkey. Then, once she has you underneath her, she proceeds to suck the soul-loogie from your face with digital lens flares exploding all around you. I could go into further detail, but that would be ruining the fun of this wondrous experience. Instead, let’s talk about how this film was made.
The Fanglys was unleashed onto the unsuspecting masses on June 8th, 2004. It was direct to DVD (obviously) here in the states and apparently had a theatrical run in Greece of all places. The director mentions this in the “making of…” on the DVD and there is a Greek translation of the name on IMDB (it’s Krymmena Fantasmata for those wondering), but I am highly suspect of this claim, as the film would have obviously shot into the stratosphere and become a staple of Greek cinema alongside My Big Fat Greek Wedding 1 & 2. Nevertheless, we have The Asylum (of Sharnado, GhostShark, and Snakes on a Train fame) to thank for its release stateside. Despite looking like it was shot on a potato, The Fanglys had a budget of $75,000 and was mostly funded out of pocket by its director, which is something I have to give props for.
Now, we’ve had a lot of laughs here today at the expense of this wonderful film, but to be serious for a minute, I genuinely respect the hell out of Christopher Abram and enjoy his movie. He wanted to make a film, so he went out and did it. If it weren’t for him, my father and I would have never found this at movie gallery in 2004, and I wouldn’t be here writing this today. So remember kids, follow your dreams and make that movie you always wanted to. Someone will love it.